Here are just a few of the lies/stories that stuck with me through childhood and beyond:
- Balloons needed to be released to "heaven". We were convinced to let our balloons go up into the sky and send them to heaven. I can't remember any time we had balloons hanging around in the house for days after a party or an event. [What's interesting is that now, if I get a balloon for my birthday or something, it will sit in my office or room as long as possible until it deflates on its own or I get tired of looking at it.]
- Bedtime was always at 8pm (unless it was TGIF Friday)... Unless it was really 7:30. I never really knew. My parents used to change the time on the clock so that they showed it was 8pm when it was really earlier once I was able to tell time. Also, we were NEVER on time for anything. We were always early and always left early. [It took until the last couple of years for me to allow myself to be on time or even late to things. When you stop and actually enjoy the moment you're in, the time doesn't really matter (with a few exceptions of course).]
- My curfew was 9:30pm. Or was it? I had set my watch to be 7 minutes ahead of the time of the clock in the kitchen, but when I got home from being out with friends, I was conveniently 3 minutes late. How does that happen? Well they admit it today, but back then, they changed the clock to scare me into thinking I was late so that I would never be late again. I even got grounded for being "late" that time. Surely, there's a better way to teach a lesson than that... or just trust that you've raised your daughter to make the right decisions?
- If I didn't give out three compliments a day, I was a bad person who didn't think of others. Sure, it taught me to give people compliments and how to make others feel good about themselves, BUT he could've just led by example. When was the last time I heard a compliment from him?
- Anyone who is 5 shouldn't still be carrying around a blanket. Up until my 5th birthday, I had a blanket I slept with and carried around. My parents convinced me into thinking it would be embarrassing if my friends came over for my party and they saw that I still had a blanket. I refused to give it up/hide it, but then the morning of my party, I gave it to my parents and asked them to hold it so my friends didn't see. When the party was over, I asked for it back. "We threw it away," they said. "We thought you didn't want it anymore, so we threw it away." I can remember crying so hard over that lost blanket and begging them to find it. That I only asked them to hold it, not throw it away.
There are other things, like my dad had me convinced he was omniscient (all-knowing). That he knew when I cussed or said bad things or what went through my head. He used to ask questions to try and lead me to admit things that either I had or hadn't done/said. I can remember a time at dinner when he laid into me about being on drugs (I have never even tried pot mind you.). I was 14 and we were at a public restaurant and he started in on me accusing me of being on drugs. It was so ridiculous that I was laughing, which made him even angrier and made matters worse. What he was really seeing from me was a teenage girl experiencing the ups and downs of hormones. Instead of tapping into that, he accused me of being on drugs. As a matter of fact, I got accused of being on drugs 2 years ago, and from what I hear, my baby sister still does. It's as though he can't rationalize a behavior from us, so we MUST be on drugs. That's the only logical explanation.... OR you can just ask us what's going on and if we're okay... But that would be too healthy to do.
If you have experienced anything like this, know it's not healthy or normal. I have worked hard over the past few years to replace 26 years worth of lies with the real truths. Most have been processed but some pop up every now and again. It's okay to let ourselves process and work through these. It's not an easy road, but once you're on the other side, it's all worth it.
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